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Dear Bunny,

I’m 24 years old and have only been laid twice. I’m desperate to find a girl, but I don’t want a hooker. How can I find a girl?

Blue Ballz

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I feel for you, Blue Ballz.

Oh wait, no I don’t. What the fuck is wrong with you? Just go to a bar, find a drunk chick and fuck her brains out! Who knows, maybe if you stick around till the morning, she’ll even cook you breakfast.

-Bunny-

Submit your advice questions to bunny@debacleville.com

Although I’m not happy about being in second last, at least it’s a really close race so far. (with one exception).

Debacle 3.5: Lansdowne, Ontario

September 2004

Debacle 3.5 was a conference to discuss the future of the Nation. After Debacle III, some members went AWOL. But the spirit of the Nation remained strong. Papa Pledge brought new light to the darkness that was falling on the current members. The Clown, the Bunny, the techie and Ho Ho were able to put their heads together and create ideas for the next Debacle. The future was looking good.

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[events] [slideshow]

This goalie gets a bit too protective. Ouch.

[ See More... ]

Dear Bunny,I’ve been dating this girl for about a year now. Our relationship is pretty good except for one thing. When we have sex, she doesn’t move! She just stays on her back and doesn’t move a muscle until we’re done. She sounds like she enjoys it, but I don’t see how she could. What can I do to get her to try new positions?

Sincerely,
Make Her Move

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Well, there’s a few ways you could approach this one.

Next time you guys are going at it, make sure your heads are up close to the headboard or wall. Start rocking her so hard that her head bangs off the wall a few times and she’ll be begging to try a different position.

If that doesn’t work, get her really drunk. Drunk girls will do anything you ask.

-Bunny-

Submit your advice questions to bunny@debacleville.com

As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.

He’s as happy as a Pig in shit

About as welcome as a fart in a telephone booth

About as subtle as a flying brick

She’s got more wrinkles than an Elephants scrotum

She’s more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs

As tight as a Camels arse in a Sand-storm

She’s stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.

As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market

She’s seen more ceilings than Michelagelo

She ran off quicker than shit off a shovel

She’s as fit as a butchers dog

She’s got a face like a squeezed tea bag

As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse

Uglier than a hatfull of assholes.

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner

As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.

About as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.

I’ve compiled a list of celebrities that are either too ugly to be in the industry or are just talentless pricks wasting our time.

#5 Tom Cruise

Seriously, this piss-ant is a pathetic 5′6″. I could knock this fucker over with my left nut. Oh, what…is Scientology going to protect him from the giants that we call “average-size people”? But he and Katie are a perfect match… they both have as much acting ability Bob Saget. Here Tom, have some purple kool-aid.

#4 Ben Affleck

There’s no question about this one. How many movies does this guy have to make with Matt Damon before they admit their romantic involvement. I have no problem with being gay, but why deny it? If you couldn’t satisfy Jennifer Lopez, you must have issues. Maybe it’s becasue his head is shaped like a scrotum. Ugly fucker.

#3 George Clooney

Can someone explain how this ass-clown was ever named Sexiest Man Alive? What blind bastard made this decision? When I saw this guys loose skin and bushy eyebrows, I thought I was stradling a mirror. This guy has more wrinkles than my balls.

#2 Sean Connery

Ugly, old, Irish fucker.

#1 Tom Hanks

Tom Hanks is easily the ugliest and most over-rated actor in Hollywood. His best role was in Castaway, simply because he had the fewest lines in his script. I suppose you could argue he was good in Sleepless In Seattle…that is if you were smart and used the 2 hours to masterbate to Meg Ryan during the movie. The guys neck looks like a snake trying top digest a pig. C’mon, Tom…stop avoiding the baldness. Your hairline is receeding faster than an uncircumsized cock.

This is a compilation of the most useless (but interesting) facts I could find:

1. Hitler and Napoleon both had only one testicle.

2. In America you will see an average of 500 advertisements a day.

3. It’s illegal in Newcastle, WY to have sex in a butcher shop’s meat freezer.

4. In ancient Rome, when a man testified in court he would swear on his testicles.

5. Jaguars are frightened by dogs.

6. Holland has the densest population per square mile of any nation in the world.

7. In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone’s ear while they are moose hunting.

8. It takes about 48 hours for your body to completely digest the food from one meal.

9. It’s against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.

10. Honey is the only food that doesn’t spoil.

11. Human tapeworms can grow up to 22.9m.

12. It’s been estimated that one out of every two hundred women is born with an extra nipple.

13. In Atlanta, GA, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.

14. Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.

15. It takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.

16. In Britain, failed suicides were hanged in the 19th century.

17. If a child burps during a church service in Omaha, Nebraska his or her parents may be arrested.

18. It takes a lobster approximately seven years to grow to be one pound.

19. In a lifetime the average US resident eats more than 50 tons of food and drinks more than 13,000 gallons of liquid.

20. In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

21. Hamsters blink one eye at a time.

22. If a person has two thirds of their liver removed through trauma or surgery, it will grow back to the original size in four weeks time.

23. Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

24. In Arkansas it is illegal to buy or sell blue lightbulbs.

25. If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal humans neck.

26. Hondas and Toyotas are the most frequently stolen passenger cars because they have parts that can be readily exchanged between model years without a problem.

27. In 1386, a pig was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child.

28. Humans are the only animals that use a smile as an emotional response.

29. When a small amount of liquor were placed on a scorpion, it would instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

30. Homosexuality remained on the American Psychiatric Association’s list of mental illnesses until 1973.

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties.

The first man had married a woman from the States and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that after the first couple days he didn’t see anything but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from the West Indies and had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and cooking. He told them that the first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Canadian girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry washed. On the first day he didn’t see anything and the second day he didn’t see anything but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye.

(www.goodcanadian.com)